Conflict Management in the Workplace: What to Do?

By Anne C. Nguyen

In order to improve relationship with colleagues and superiors, one must always rely on the strengths of their personality and have ample courage to work on their weak points.

· How can one identify different types of conflicts?

· How can one recognise when there is a strategy involved?

· How can one get out of the conflict and negotiate their way to a win all situation?

These are a few questions that are often asked.

Conflicts, though seen as bad, are not always so. If it is controlled, a conflict may help in bringing out emotions and let one speak their mind. And if it is not managed well, it may well cut off all communication and lead to silence.

How to deal with conflicts?

At times conflict may be the only way for some to communicate with others. So how shall one deal with them?

It all depends on how we are and how we would react once confronted with a conflict.

· We may think of it as a form of violence and thus avoid any source of conflict, terrorised at the mere thought of being in one.

· We may enjoy conflict and find it stimulating and be at ease in expressing ourselves.

· We may use conflict as a defence mechanism, even when there is no 'attack' coming up.

· We may be neutral towards it. Neither seeking nor avoiding it.

We are all individuals, with each our own mind and thoughts. It reflects our perception of the world, our values, the way we hear and understand and how we feel and react.

What are the different types of conflicts?

Conflicts may arise in interest, values, power, interpretation or projection. Thought the most common conflict in the field of business is the conflict in interpretation or projection; usually preceded by strong emotions of fear, anger, injustice etc.

Let's consider a situation where a manager who is very protective of his employees and has a parental attitude. He wishes for his employees to act in accordance with him, and the rules that he has implemented.

Now, if there were to be an employee who is used to working independently, he will naturally act according to his experience and the rules of the profession, while he respects the overall framework. He may not inform his manager of his day to day actions or choices.

The manager might feel a sense of disrespect, and be threatened by this employee and term him as incompetent.

Whereas, the employee might be pleased with himself and think the manager may commend him for his efficient and professional work.

This may be the start of a conflict, as both have different opinion about themselves.

As there are so many different ways to manage a team and work with co-workers, it can be difficult to understand each other. So how should one overcome this duality of conflict?

How to overcome a conflict?

Sometimes one needs to be at term with their own emotions and let their guard down. Think of yourself as a knight impulsively inviting a rival to a duel. What would be going on in the mind of your rival? Will he be threatened by this sudden invitation? Would he be aggressive and tense?

Now think what if we were to start from a position where we knew that the other did not want to harm us? Wouldn't it solve a lot of our problems?

When you are preparing for an interview, analyse the situation beforehand. Formulate your needs and expectations. 'This is what I feel... These are my needs and expectations.'

Be empathetic, put yourself in your colleague's shoes. Consider it from their point of view as they were doing it in the best interest of the company. Then, once you understand the situation, let the dialogue begin.

If you were to write an e-mail, don't hesitate to write down the emotional flow that comes spontaneously, but don't send it. Save it as a 'draft.' Read it after a while, keep only the facts you need. Allow yourself three factual lines at the end of the e-mail to demystify the conflict, and re-open the dialogue.

Conflict is a relation game.

Even though everything may end up in a conflict, nothing is necessarily confrontational.

Think about it: There is only conflict when it is decided that there is one, and to set up a conflict there must be at least two of you. If either one of the two doesn't think of it as a conflict, then it will never be there.

It is kind of a relational game, and like any other game, you can refuse to play. Especially when you are not directly involved but just a witness. On the other hand, if you try to avoid it by ignoring, it could be disastrous.

Instead, try to put yourself in an all win situation. If an exchange is heading into a conflict, do not hesitate to:

1. Place yourself in a position as a referee, where you can listen, summarise and reformulate.

2. Remove all emotional and un-factual opinions.

3. Identify the points that are important for both parties that they can't compromise on.

4. Find the correct words to define each party's needs and expectations.

5. Try to find what connects the parties beyond the conflict. They might share a common interest or objective.

6. Make each of them talk about this interest and objective so they can find a common ground.

7. Make both parties understand that the same objective can be achieved in different ways.

8. Make them think about how this has helped them bring closer and how they can learn from each other to work better together towards their aim.

Communication is the key

Remember unity is always the strength - in everyday life as well as at work!

· To avoid any conflicts at the workplace, a successful manager should know about his employees' background, be able to listen to them and their needs, as well as share the workload amongst them in accordance with their skills.

· The manager should plan person-to-person meetings to know the feelings of their staff, as some may be shy to express themselves in front of others.

· And most importantly, always leave your personal issues at home!

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Being Pro-Active and Not Re-Active

By Robert M Brandt

Most businesses nowadays don't understand the differences between what being pro-active and re-active means. Human beings think they see the world as it is when in turn they are actually looking at the world as they are. The difference between the two is that being pro-active is relegating a choice with a desired outcome and being re-active is ruled by habit and indicating response. Many people and businesses are no stranger to these effects. A lot of people go through their lives as if it was just meant to be and they have no control of the outcomes. I am here to tell you that if you think this, if you live this way, or if your business operates in this fashion, than you are terribly wrong. The hard reality is that we are all slaves to split second bad decisions that inevitably put us into a re-active state. Where-as if we would have spent just a little more time being pro-active before making the choice, our outcome would have been more beneficial. Seventy Eight percent of the small businesses and non-profits that our company has worked for are actually more re-active than pro-active. And a good majority of the executives that run these businesses and non-profits were to. Here is a short list of warning signs that could lead you to be in a reactive situation.

- Reacting to circumstances and not being in control of a situation when it gets out of hand. (If you are part of the problem and not the solution than you meet these criteria).
- Split second decisions without giving it any thought. (Think before you act).
- Becoming the victim of an outcome, rather than the being the sovereign.
- Living your life and running your business on autopilot.
- Asking yourself after you made the choice if you made the right choice. (If you are always second guessing yourself than you fit this model).
- Becoming more and more resistant to change. (Learn to develop yourself and your business).
- Taking too long to make decisions. (Sometimes taking too long can be less proactive and more reactive).
- You let the events set the agenda for your business and life. (Never give up and always stay focused).

So one might ask how is it that I can be more pro-active? We have a five step approach that if followed can help you not only in your business life, but personal life as well. These steps are a proven result oriented outline that you can add to but NOT take away. The key to these steps are not what happens to you, but what you are going to do about it to make it happen.

1. Set Your Goals: Whether it be personal or business, SET YOUR GOALS! One way of doing this would be write your goals down and follow them to the design. Making sure that you accomplish these goals and crossing them OFF your list once they are reached. When I asked in my last seminar how many people had a goal list, NO ONE raised their hand. I even went further and asked some of the audience to give me a list of their top five goals. Most of them couldn't even come up with three goals. So take this step very seriously and with the utmost of thought. This is the stepping stone to ALL other steps.

2. Take the Initiative: How many times have you just sat there to put off an important decision and then make it at the last minute? So many companies and executives procrastinate when it comes to making the hard choices. Taking the initiative and charging forward with these decisions will help you become in retrospect, proactive. The military uses the metaphor of leading from the front. This is true in business as well. By becoming that front leader, by taking the initiatives to charge forward, you have put being re-active on the back burner.

3. Transition Yourself: Get into the mindset that you can and will make timely decisions. Start thinking like a pro-active person and start living like a proactive person. We have a saying here in the consulting world, "if you are one percent better every day, than in one hundred days you become one hundred percent better." Learn to prioritize yourself and limit yourself towards making those bad calls. Do your research and ask questions. This way you have all the facts presented to you before making that big decision. Also learning to manage your priorities can really be beneficial in putting yourself into those less stressful situations. Besides if you plan ahead the stress levels are much less than you would have if you did not plan at all.

4. Listen more talk less: Listening to everything presented to you is a way of making solid choices. Many executives want to do all the talking and none of the listening, and this goes for middle to entry level management as well. Often at times if you miss something vital it will lead you into making a wrong call in any situation. Stressing the importance of listening versus talking is something that will save you time and energy if you are ever making a choice that might lead you into a potentially re-active state.

5. Continue Developing: Don't just stop at the first good choice you make. Continue to strive to become better in your entire decision making process. Being pro-active takes time and takes commitment. Developing yourself and your business can be an effective way to becoming a more productive leader. Learning more about yourself, your business and your environment can help you break the re-active crutch.

Don't blame someone if you are constantly playing the reaction blame game. Take responsibility for your own actions, make those hard solid choices, and stay disciplined in developing yourself further. If you follow these five simple steps, you have taken the path to becoming more pro-active.

Some people say that being a pro-active person is a hard thing to do. In this article we discuss some ways of identifying what a reactive person can be and also 5 steps to getting yourself into a more proactive state. Everyone seems at times to have been a slave to the situation, however what you do about it will define what kid of proactive person you could be.

Focusing on these five simple steps and providing yourself some solutions are just the only the tip of the iceberg, compared to what you can accomplish with the right mindset. Starting by setting goals and keeping those goals can help you on the path to becoming a better leader, a better family member, and better at life.